“So, when are you going to have another baby?”
Ughh, if they only knew that we have been trying, for about six months now. This question has been haunting me ever since my son passed the 1 year mark. People, slow down! I am trying to enjoy the time with my first son, but it is hard to deny the pressures around me to have a second. But why, though? Is that the norm? Just keep popping them out because what: they will be close in age, I am getting close to 40, I can’t just have one kid. Who really dictates this for me?
Like many women I know, getting pregnant was the not the easiest for me, but something I so desperately wanted. Unlike many of my peers, I thankfully did not have to rely on IVF or other alternative methods of conception, but the battle was still demanding on my spirit and body. What I find so admirable is the will of women to create, and their commitment to do anything to get there.
Technically, I am trying to conceive for the third time. Four years ago, the same year my husband and I were to marry, unknowing to us, I became pregnant. After about two years of trying, our wedding was fast approaching, so in my narcissistic thinking I wanted to make sure I would fit into my wedding dress. So, the incessant ovulation tracking, blood tests and planning was put on the side burner until we were married. Bam! The first month I put my focus on to something else, I was pregnant. My narcissism was long forgotten as I ordered a larger dress because the due date was a month before our wedding. Now we were going to be three, and what a beautiful vision to have our baby at our wedding.
The short duration of my pregnancy was lived in anxiety. The baby was growing rather slowly and was not the size it should have been for how far along I was. At my checkup around 8 weeks, the baby’s heartbeat had stopped for what seemed like a couple of days (the doctor gathered based on the size). My heart turned cold and lost all interest in anything and everything around me. My upcoming wedding was a mere blip in comparison to what was happening. Not to mention the shame that overwhelmed me. Was I inadequate? Also, my mother-in-law had already told the whole town that we were going to have a baby, and to now let everyone down with the sad news… At least I did have our wedding to focus on and shed light and love on a situation that seemed void of any positive energy.
Trying again two years after I lost the first, I was blessed with a second pregnancy. This time was different; it was lived and dealt with on a very unemotional beginning. After having the miscarriage, I refrained from rejoicing and especially sharing the news with anyone until after the token three-month milestone. I know it is ugly to say; something beautiful occurred I should have been elated, but I was silent out of fear. Thankfully, I passed my first trimester with flying colors and the second two to follow.
Why the second time was the right time for me (and my baby), no one will ever know. But I believe a lot had to do with my diet and my frame of mind. In those months, I was following a strict diet from my nutritionist. With the delivering of this restrictive diet, he told me the majority of women who follow this diet become pregnant within a few months. Six months later, ta-da! This is the same famous diet to reduce my oxidative stress; basically, low carbs/high protein, but way more detailed. Reducing the stress on my body with a rich diet low on sugar made it easier for everything else to work. My skin, energy and demeanor were are all up on the positive, so I believe it had a big something to do with me getting pregnant.
As much as I tune out the constant nagging of those around me, I can honestly say (selfishly) I actually do want another child and we already have been trying. And when I say we, I mean me. My husband isn’t totally against the idea, but he envisioned only one kid, while I, on the other hand, want three. If only I am so lucky, to be pregnant for the second time (technically third). Still praying that my clairvoyant esthetician’s vision holds true. But before I begin to slump into more years of potential hits and a misses, I am taking a few precautions to make sure the years don’t fly by again. This time around, I am focusing on my inner self and state of mind.
Slowly, I am trying to get back on the diet bandwagon after this last year of “Mom Gone Wild” eating and drinking everything now that I’ve been freed from breastfeeding. That will take me a while, but sooner or later I will get there. Attempting to be tranquil and evade the pressures and stress surrounding me is on top of my priorities. Now that I have fell upon chakra healing, I am enveloping myself in this world. Focusing on healing my sacral plexus chakra, the area under the navel. Not only is this chakra closely connected with sexual and reproductive activities, but it is also closely associated with anger and creativity issues. And from my last session, we know that I have to work on these areas. I am starting to practice meditation and crystal work to begin the healing process on myself. Mystic healing may be rather new to me, but I am discovering myself in ways I never thought I would.
I would love to hear all your experiences on the matter. No one woman goes through the same struggle, but know you always have a community full of support here at ATPB.
Image for Polaroid by Carolina Bùzio