Redefining Yourself In Light of External Forces, Internal Fears, and The Uphill Battle of People Pleasing

by Chloe' Flowers

As we usher in the Spring season, we come upon a time of vibrance, rebirth, and rediscovery. This time last year, many of us wrestled with uncertainty, but here we are, (not without trials) reflecting on all that we have overcome. As we continue to embrace ourselves and the year ahead, our Wellness contributor, Chloe’ Flowers, unpacks “How to Redefine Myself” in the spirit of newness. Whether you are bending to the surprises of life or exploring the inner workings of who you are, we encourage you to read on with much needed principles for redefinition.  


If you are lucky, you are blessed with many years to become whatever you wish. Oddly, we often feel like we have to stay the same. Many times, I find it’s to provide comfort and reassurance for others. Sometimes we treat meeting others’ expectations of us as a form of love. Other times our growth can hurt or disrupt others, because as our calling changes, so do our principles and interests. We reach a point where we are suffocating by being our old selves. When it’s time to grow you will feel a discomfort in your daily movement. You will be presented with things you need to stop doing and believing in. Your will no longer resonate with your surroundings and feel called upon to levitate beyond your present reality. 


Here Are Three Areas to Unpack When Redefining Yourself


1. Accepting Your Calling


The fear of failure is the evidence of fear attached to change. Why should I change and become healthier? What if I stay ill? What if I don’t lose a pound ? Why should I leave this emotionally abusive relationship or friendship? What if I’ll be alone and never find anyone else? We must learn that these are fear-based thoughts and they mean nothing. This is our brain trying to formulate the worst case scenario to “protect us” from the pain of defeat or disappointment. What we must learn is that there is a lesson in every loss. Sometimes, we have to take a loss to get to the other side. Nothing worth having comes easy and when it comes to redefining yourself, you have to be fearless and take that chance. You will know it is time for a real shift when you become more uncomfortable with staying the same than you are comfortable with change. Pretty Bird, if you are reading this or thinking about it often – then it’s time to embrace change.

Prepare Yourself

A good way to begin rediscovering yourself is writing down how you want life to look short and long term. Even if it feels unachievable, still write it down. Put your passion scribe somewhere you can see it every single day. Make sure every decision you make is pushing you closer to that goal. The best way to get things done is to just do it. There are no shortcuts and easy ways out to excellence. Once you’re done focusing on your goals and desires, you need to address your fears. If you are afraid of failing, you need to create mantras that will uproot you from that mentality. Put an uplifting mantra on your phone screensaver if you know you need constant motivation. These are ways you can put yourself in a winning position independently.


2. Making Room for Others to Support You


One way that really helps me commit to redesigning myself is sharing my intentions with a couple of supportive people. I tell my mom or a supportive friend what I am seeking. This creates accountability because someone is aware of your intent. This makes it harder for you to give up on yourself. Sharing also creates motivation and check-ins when you need them the most. I find it odd that we humans are quick to let ourselves down but terrified to let others down. Why do you think that is? In your growth you will learn that the worst disappointment is disappointment in yourself. We can escape the self-negativity that often arises in this reality by surrounding ourselves with supportive voices.


As sacred as it is to preserve the authenticity of reinventing ourselves, it is sacred to make room for relationships that encourage our growth. Although it is common to discover friendships or even family relationships that challenge our growth, the company of likeminded people can propel us to great heights. Take inventory of the supporters in your life, make room for them, and sow into those pockets of opportune accountability and encouragement. While rewriting or embracing the best version of yourself, do not forfeit the importance of community. Surely, we want to celebrate our growth in the company of others who were there to appreciate the journey.


3. Owning The Process of Redefinition

In order to evolve into the person we want to be, we must allow ourselves to exist in that realm. Begin to introduce this new person into your life…Be mindful about how you speak about yourself to others. Be even more aware of how to think about yourself. No longer accept energy that does not align with who you are trying to become. Participate only in what is growing you and making you truly fulfilled with your life. Eventually you will look up and realize that you’re truly doing it! You are truly becoming the person you said you would. Once you get a sense of that gratification, you will be unstoppable. You just have to get there, one step at a time. 

The Beauty of Evolution

One thing I’ve learned about evolution is after I broke down those walls of fear, I realized I can change everyday. Every single day, I have the power to be whomever I choose. Versatility is a force. Adaptability is an asset to reach any goal. Sometimes our loving and supportive nature takes the front seat. Other times we must be relentless and aggressive in our personal pursuits. We can fluctuate from social and sexy, to then turn around and roll up our sleeves to get things done. The sooner we explore the depths and fullness of who we are and who we can be, the less we settle for the limiting version of ourselves, confined by external forces.


Leading Image courtesy of @unrefyned


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