The fact that we are here on this earth, that we breathe is an act of love – a blessing from the Source, the Divine. When I think of our Earth and it’s perfect image from space, I know that every aspect of our home was inspired by and designed to function through the power of love. Consider how Mother Nature miraculously balances our existence in her womb with unconditional love season after season. She bestows us with flowers in the Spring; kisses us with the glow of the sun, reinvigorating our souls year after year; she cleverly coaxes us to rest in the Autumn and Winter by distracting us with the ceremonial falling of golden, orange and burgundy leaves and the powdering of perfectly formed snowflakes – each one unique from the other. God, she is generous. We feel it as she guides our eyes and hearts to gaze upon the moon, the stars and beyond. In the vastness of our universe lies eternal love, though many of us struggle to perceive what we cannot see, touch, and fathom from our earthly focal point. In the cosmic realm love is a leap of faith for many of us, especially when we attempt to find ourselves and companionship in our beautiful and beloved life.
I agree with the idea that, to an notable degree, our loving relationships reflect an alchemy of the earthly elements. We have been nurtured to integrate the codes of nature into our personalities and behavior when interacting with one another. Think about the great prophets, philosophers and poets who liken the chemistry of our personalities to natural events? The tumultuous storms that we brew, the lightning and thunder that we leave in our wake, the volcanic eruptions we wreak, the mysterious desert that we weave in the thoughts and hearts of loved ones, the tides we pull, and even the tiny but magical flutter of butterflies we inspire? Romantic, familial, friendship, these elements are all at play depending on the circumstances.
When I sat with this approach to analyzing relationships recently, and moved my reflections beyond, and pierced below the surface of, familiar and comfortable cliche and often repeated sayings, I experienced a deeper appreciation for the intricacies of interacting with my beloved humans. I felt more prepared, hopeful, and less anxious, apprehensive and conflicted when questioning the state of my relationships. Why are some relationships so easy for me? Why do others require so much work? What determines my unconditional treatment of some? Why do I know to run from the predatory toxicity of others? I must confess here, and it is probably predictable, that it was my more difficult relationships that brought me to this space of reckoning. Long term relationships that are dear to me, that are filled with love, that have experienced spectacular highs, weathered storms, created moments of confusion, stark vulnerability, disappointment, frustration, shameful discomfort and bruisingly hurt feelings. Personally, in many instances related to these cases, I struggled to communicate my feelings, clearly see where the other party was coming from, and in general, to identify, accept, dissect the vibrational forces at play. I wonder what they failed to or were reluctant to communicate? Yes, I took so much of what transpired personally – which was often highly unfair to myself. The ego is a total bitch, ask Eckhart Tolle (those aren’t his words). But one day, I just thought about how nature works, about eco systems, and how living creatures co-exist in different environments, stay away from inhospitable, extreme terrains, and in that instant it was clear to me how much our behavior and interactions in our relationships play out in similar fashion as certain events in nature – and that when it comes to life and relationships, that’s just the nature of things.
My hope for this note is to remind you that there is fundamentally always love at the core of our relationships – even when all evidence indicates that our bonds are irrevocably broken. Perhaps meditating on how events play out in nature will remove some of the challenges to peacefully accepting that our relationships must run their natural course. Maybe gazing towards the passing tides will assist in dissolving your resistance and encourage your surrender to the push and pull of relationships. Maybe considering the breathtaking flight of bees pollinating flowers will reassure you, provide you comfort, a sense of calm, patience, grace and compassion for yourselves and your loved ones when your relationship begins to shift. When I think about how one of my oldest girlfriends and I grew out of sync recently due to normal events in our lives, my heart ached because I didn’t want to lose her or our friendship. It was unthinkable for me, and I literally suffered heart pangs when I thought about what was happening. Prior to adapting my current mindset, I would have jumped to all sorts of unproductive conclusions which would inevitably be propped up by my frustration and shame relating to the situation. This line of thinking would have undoubtedly created friction and a restrictive layer of distance between us. Instead, I chose to see this fissure for what it is, a momentary misalignment which will correct itself in time. And I am alright with that. For now, I am honoring the love we share, and projecting positive vibrations in preparation for our realignment. I acknowledge that there are just some experiences where the loss is too profound and the heart is shattered. When I imagine scenarios like these I think about extreme events in nature: earthquakes, volcanoes, floods. I think about the tragedy, chaos and grief that follow. I think about the mystery of life and that we must accept certain things on the basis of faith and cosmic purpose. Our Creator has a divine program for us and our journey is a graceful part of Her grand design.
I know, to chalk up the complex dynamics of our relationships to interpersonal weather patterns would be too diminutive. Yes, we are present and intentional in our journeys; yes, we are responsible for our actions and efforts; and yes, we are subject to a plethora of outside forces influencing our behavior towards one another. Thus, just like Mother Nature balances the mesmerizing details of our incredible planet, our moon, our sun and the galaxies beyond, our relationships orbit a tiny space in her majestic reflection – a realm where there is love, and always love.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
Image by Matteo D’Agostino, @_matteodagostino_
Top by ArtClub Via Net-A-Porter.