Healing After Major Loss and Death

by Chloe' Flowers

healing after loss 2020 1


Although death is inevitable, the loss seems to get more painful each time. Losing someone you love can be one of the most devastating experiences known to humankind. Some of the feelings  related to death can take  a major spiritual toll on your psyche. I begin to question my own existence and replay the memories I made with that person. After the initial shock, comes a painful surge of regret, for not spending more time with this person or saying all the things I wanted to say. It feels like grief overcomes my life and I continue to obsess about death and the person I lost. Over time, I accept the tragedy to preserve my sanity. We all have different stages of grief and ways of healing. Today I want to offer ways to create healthy conversation and perspective around death, a topic not addressed enough.  


How to Heal After Death and Loss


This year, we’ve endured the death of many things. Some of us have experienced the loss of income, and a stable job. Some of us have lost precious time that we will never get back – away from our loved ones. Many of us have also lost someone due to the pandemic and its tornado of destruction. Countless  people have had to abruptly transform into someone else, and are mourning who they used to be. Regardless of what form of death or loss you are experiencing, there is a way to cope. The most comforting thing for me is understanding that on the other side of darkness and pain, is light and joy. Life is an agent of balance and nothing stays the same forever. 


As we enter a fresh season and a “new normal”, our perspective can shift as well. Lately, my thoughts surrounding death have been more accepting as my point of view changes. The next time I experience loss, I want to focus on how that person contributed to the community, and their family. I want  to honor them, utilize advice and any abundance they brought to my life. Our sadness stems from what is no more, but what if we focus on what was? Death does not take away from a person’s character or  the beautiful memories they’ve left behind. Just because someone is no longer physically here, doesn’t mean they can’t live on in another way. 


Celebrating life in the midst of tragedy


A major way that I want to encourage my family to process death is to celebrate that person’s life. When I pass away (because we all will.) I want my people to dance and clap at all the laughter and love we once shared. I want them to remember what good things I did for others and the ways I contributed to life in general. I want everyone to share memories and really celebrate my life. It is okay to change the trajectory of your thoughts surrounding passing over. Sadness and depression is inescapable, but try to make time for honor and recognition as well. 


Something else I practice is viewing my ancestors as angels and protectors. I still speak out loud to those I have lost when I can feel their presence around me. Deepening your spirituality can aid you in feeling closer to someone whose physical form you’ve lost. Display a picture of this person, continue to communicate with this person, and create a new medium of connection. If you aren’t ready to speak to the person you lost why not speak to people about this person? Share how much they’ve impacted you, often so much pain comes from running from how we really feel. 


As we enter a brand new chapter and say goodbye to another year, I want to remind you, Pretty Birds, to stay hopeful. For just as much loss there is, know that  abundance is coming soon after. Unfortunately, death is a part of life and we must cope healthily. Before you become consumed with mourning and sadness, think about what the person who passed would want you to do. Channel them with your emotions, process patiently and kindly with yourself. 

This too shall pass.

Image via @dusklilyfloral

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